respect.

to be frankly honest,
I haven't tried 80% of the things I talk about,
experienced 80% of the things I give advice on,
seriously committed to 80% of the things I worry about.
You could also probably add an "over-" prefix to practically anything I do and that would be me... overthink. overexaggerate. overworry. overhypothesize. overassume. Those aren't even words - that's the sad part.

I think the one thing I'm blessed with despite my over-some mentality is that I just get lucky with my assumptions a lot. But - on the other hand I also fall into assumptions that are seriously stupid or self-centered.

Things Change

In a lifetime, you hear that phrase over and over. Sometimes you take it lightly, as a joke, to get back at someone, or things do change in real life. The previous post I wrote was genuine. Right now, I do feel inclined to believe in what I wrote but I also think it is a fair game to move on. It hurts and it is so very uncomfortable. You just want to cry and die. I can't fully bear the pain and I don't want to bear the pain that I subconsciously created my own anesthetic. In the back of my mind, I still want to hang on, but the longer I do, the worse my heart rips and aches. I don't know what the other person is thinking. Whether or not he is hurting. Was he already over me? I know he is able to shield himself, but I don't know to what degree. I think I had extreme expectations coming from him that I misconstrued the signs. I might have hurt him, I do not know. He doesn't talk to me. I am sad to think that there was nothing special in our relationship in his perspective. I wish he would stop me, fight harder for us, give it everything we've got. Then again, we have nothing right now. I am happy to know that I was changed for the better, because I knew him. The memories will live.